Hello, and welcome to this very scientific science report about a new species you may well encounter this coming summer: The Lizzie!
Description – What is a Lizzie?
A Lizzie is a 20 year old Camp Augusta counselor and university student! Let’s learn some more about this unique specimen, shall we?
Taxonomy and Classification
There are three distinct species of Lizzie: Elizabethis Californii (this is the rarest, as it appears only twice a year), Elizabethis Edinburghi (this one is the most common, but also the most recently developed species!), and the one that you are most likely to encounter, Elizabethis Augustiniae. It is important to note that all three breeds fall under the same common name: Lizzie!
The main way to tell these three Lizzies apart is by location. The Edinburghi exists only in the city of Edinburgh, Scotland, while the Augustiniae is a specific breed of Californii, both of which exist primarily in Northern California. You can also spot the difference through behavior and appearance. For the California breeds, Lizzie is likely to be running through the woods or swimming in a lake, all while covered in henna tattoos. She often looks a little bit goofy. The Edinburgh variety appears to be a bit more serious, and is often found reading books inside to escape the rain!
The Biology of a Lizzie
Lizzies are omnivores, but largely try to limit their meat intake – not eating a lot of meat is good for the planet, and Lizzies love the planet!
The diet of a Lizzie is very strange indeed. It would seem that her consists primarily of… broccoli and tea?? Yes, that’s right: one of her favorite foods is broccoli! In my 20 years of observing this creature, I have also rarely seen her without a cup of tea in her hands. She doesn’t seem to care whether it’s black tea, green tea, chai tea, or chamomile – she’ll drink it all!
This odd diet is also supplemented by large quantities of chocolate, the darker the better! She also seems to love mango, avocados, apples, and any type of cheese, particularly the stinky ones. She loves fresh baked bread and baked goods, sushi, and burritos. Her diet is quite varied, and often seems very eccentric to those who don’t understand the inner workings of a Lizzie’s mind (which is many people – Lizzies are quite the enigma!)
A Lizzie can eat enormous amounts of food, seemingly disproportional to her body size, and loves eating almost anything. Feed a Lizzie and she’ll be your friend forever!
Origin and Development of a Lizzie
The Lizzie was born in San Francisco, CA, and grew up with her wonderful family in California. Lizzie had a wonderful childhood full of play and joy, was a veritable fashion icon (See Figure 6), and loved getting outside in the woods across the street from her house. At the ripe age of 10, her family moved across the pond for a bit, and the Lizzie had her first migration (see: Lizzie Migration). Lizzie was homeschooled for this year, and never learned about magnetism (teach her, please!), but did get to go to countless museums and historical sites, which boosted her already massive love of history. Lizzie was a rambunctious child and never sat still, but that only fuelled her love for activity and play, which she hopes to bring to Augusta!
There are several species within the same family: Momicus Jan, who is one of the nicest and kindest species you will ever meet. There is also Dadus Paul, who is very, very similar to Lizzie, and thinks that he’s the funniest thing ever. Finally, there’s the rarely spotted Brotherii Robert, who is a very tall creature that is rarely spotted in the wild. Lizzies loves these related species more than anything in the world!
Distribution and Environment
Where can a Lizzie be found?
Lizzies are very adventurous and you can find them all sorts of places. If you suspect there’s a Lizzie in your local
area, there are a few places where they are often spotted:
The University of Edinburgh! This is where our subject attends college, so she’s there quite a lot!
Lizzies love, love, love books, so try a library or used bookstore! Anywhere you can find books, you can probably find a Lizzie. Lizzie studies English Literature, so she always has a book in her bag as well. Need a recommendation or, even better, have a recommendation! Any Lizzie would love to hear it!
If there aren’t any Lizzies in your local bookshop, your next best bet would be a coffee shop. Lizzies love baked goods and hot cocoa to go with their readings. They also love spending time with their friends while also sipping a hot drink!
Still no luck? You might try a museum or any really old building. Lizzies love history (secret: Lizzies are GIANT nerds). If you ever meet a Lizzie, she would probably love to talk to you about history, books, history books, or just about anything!
Range and Habitat
For the aforementioned Elizabethis Augustiniae, there is a very specific habitat: Oak Village! While Lizzies have tried living elsewhere (Pine, if you can believe it!), it would seem they always return to Oak!
Mostly, Lizzies don’t seem to have any identifiable permanent habitat. Just when you think she’s settled down, she goes and moves again!
Most recently, in 2017, our subject once again left California, this time settling in Edinburgh, Scotland. The reason for this change of habitat seems to be that Lizzie now attends the University of Edinburgh, where she studies English Literature.
There is no way of telling where Lizzie will go after Edinburgh, but we can guess based on her climate preferences. Lizzies love rain and overcast skies, but also like spending some time in the sun every year. Lizzies also love snow and getting to ski in it! For now, there doesn’t seem to be a specific range for a Lizzie, and they are likely to go anywhere in the world!
Lizzies seem to migrate frequently and randomly. They do have one specific major migrational pattern
however. During the summer and for a few weeks during the winter, the Lizzie will leave Scotland and return to California in order to be reunited with her family.
Beyond this, Lizzies spend a lot of time visiting different places for short periods of time. She has been spotted in 14 different countries (16 if you count airports). Lizzies have been spotted all over Europe particularly, and have especially enjoyed their time in Germany, Denmark, and the Czech Republic! It would appear that the Lizzie also plans to continue this trend.
Some things that we can spot that Lizzies love:
Music, stationary, having lots of pillows and blankets, hiking, her dog, reading books, being around books, learning new things, travelling to new places, going fast, water, and a million more! Lizzies also love plants (the Edinburghi variety has 7 succulents in her home).
Interactions with others and Social behaviors
Lizzies are very sociable creatures! They can talk about anything and everything for hours and hours on end. Lizzies love words! Big words, short words, the way words come together – they love it all!
Lizzies are pretty funny creatures and love telling jokes, but also love laughing! In addition, Lizzies love chatting with you, having deeper conversations, and really getting to know you.
Lizzies love all sorts of animals! They do, however, have one specific animal that they prefer over all the rest: their dog, Donner! Donner is half Malamute, half Chow Chow, and even though he is now a very big dog, he still thinks that he is both a puppy and a lap dog! Donner, like Lizzie, loves long walks, and the Lizzie considers him to be her best friend!
Lizzie also has close friendships with some less real animals: Night Night Bear has been one of her bestest friends since the day she was born! And this summer, you may get the chance to meet her travel buddy: Jeremy the Hedgehog! Jeremy has been all over the world with Lizzie and this summer, he’s excited to come back to Augusta and be in the woods with all his furry friends!
Thank you so much for your interest in the new scientific find that is the Lizzie. For now, I’ll keep an eye on her, but hopefully you’ll have the chance to spot one in the wilderness of Augusta this year!