Hayden

When Albert Einstein came into the world on March 14, 1879, he had no way of knowing that in 110 years, on that very day, Hayden Timothy Harms Hyma would be born in the snowy town of Bayfield, Wisconsin.  A fierce blizzard raged outside; so fierce that Hayden and his parents were trapped inside the hospital for two nights before returning home.  And this, dear reader, is where our adventure begins.  Hayden’s fate is in your hands and you must choose wisely and assist him on his quest to reach the mystical land of Camp Augusta.  Let’s begin.

When Hayden reached the age of five, his parents were faced with the important decision of whether or not to enroll him in elementary school.  To send Hayden to school, go to paragraph #2.  To allow Hayden to grow up organically without institutional teachings, go to paragraph #1.

#1.

            Without the guidance or structure of school, Hayden took to the wild.  He spent his days among the wolves that inhabited the local forests and soon became their leader.  Though he had earned the respect of many of his four-legged brethren, there were still a few wolves in the pack that questioned his credentials and became jealous of his rise to power.  The wolves then held a secret meeting where, upon holding a vote, they decided that Hayden might better serve their pack as a delicious meal for their pups.  Hayden was immediately devoured and with his last breath he cried out “I wish I had gone to school!!!!”  The end.

 

#2

            The teachers of Washburn Elementary described Hayden as an odd child.  They couldn’t understand why, when answering a question in class, he would vigorously pace the perimeter of the classroom.  Nor did they appreciate his desire to turn the entire boy’s bathroom into a bubble bath by blocking the drains, flooding the floor and empting out all of the soap dispensers.  After many parent/teacher conferences and various methods of behavior reform (if Hayden went five consecutive days without mischief he would be awarded a ninja turtle action figure; he only received two), his parents decided Washburn, Wisconsin may not be the best place to raise him.  To move to Winona, MN, go to paragraph #4.  To move to a houseboat in the Bermuda Triangle go to paragraph #3.  To stay in Washburn, WI go to paragraph #5.

 

#3

            Under mysterious circumstances that are still under investigation to this day, the houseboat in which Hayden resided just disappeared one day.  Some say the ocean opened up and swallowed him whole.  Some say a great blue light shinned over the horizon and the house boat was sucked up into the sky.  And others say it sunk and made a little plopping noise and that was it.  The end.

#4

            After moving to the cozy river town of Winona, it seemed like life couldn’t get any better.  Hayden’s dad, Jeff, got a job at the local high school teaching history and economics.  Hayden’s mom, Nancy, got a job teaching English to immigrants from Bosnia.  And Hayden got a pretty rad mullet.

Under the guidance of the exceptional teachers at Madison Elementary, Hayden found a school that was right for him and his reign of mischief came to a close.  After school, Hayden would spend his time riding bikes and playing games with the kids from his neighborhood.  Growing up without TV meant that Hayden would often occupy his time creating and playing games.  From chess to capture the flag to his own variation of tag that involves a sprinkler, a trampoline, and a few cardboard boxes, Hayden never turned down an opportunity to game.

Years went by.  Hayden cut off his mullet, spent time at summer camps, started doing karate, got a paper route, went on family trips around the world (Canada, France, Ireland, Scotland, England and forty-four of the United States), got braces, grew an afro, and eventually graduated from high school.  What’s next for Hayden?  To move to Minneapolis and enroll at the University of Minnesota go to paragraph #6.  To opt out of more school go to paragraph #1.  To sell everything you own and fly to Puerto Rico go to paragraph #7.

#5

            Hayden spent the next 24 years working at the local saw mill before he was laid off.  He then decided to follow his dream of writing birthday cards which he sold at the local gas station.  His birthday cards gained him a cult following in the tristate area and it wasn’t long before he expanded his business to t-shirts and bumper stickers as well.  He lives in a modest house off the highway with his dog, Chuck.  On Sundays, he hosts a potluck in his backyard where he’s known to serve his signature tater tot casserole.  The end.

#6

            Moving to Minneapolis gave Hayden a chance to explore his passions.  He graduated with a B.A. in English from the University of Minnesota with a focus on creative writing and literary analysis.  When he wasn’t writing screenplays and short stories, he would relish in the opportunity to try out and create new games.  Post-graduation, one of his first jobs was working as a courier delivering books to small town libraries in rural Minnesota.  On these long drives, he would bring a recorder and document his new ideas for games, screenplays and books.  In his free time, he’d bounce ideas for new games off friends with similar ambitions to see if they could come up with something worth playing.

Flash forward to April 4th 2017, 4:30pm CMT.  Hayden’s about to enter his house when out of the corner of his eye, he sees a group of people huddled around a picnic table playing a board game.  To walk over and talk to them go to paragraph #9.  To think nothing of it and enter your house go to paragraph #8.

#7

            “Mayday!  Mayday!  Oceanic Airlines Flight 815 to Puerto Rico is experiencing technical difficulties and we are going to make an emergency landing.  Brace yourselves!”

Hayden’s flight crash lands in the ocean but luckily everyone survives and is swept into shore.  Everyone except Hayden that is.  By some strange set of circumstances, he finds himself on the porch of a rickety houseboat bobbing somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle.  Go to paragraph #3.

#8

            The second Hayden turns the door knob, he can sense that something’s not right.  Brushing the thought aside, he continues into the house.  He hears a low whirring noise coming from the somewhere in the house and the smell of sea salt seems to accompany it.  Just then, the room is flooded with blue light and before he can cry out for help, he’s thrown into an interdimensional time vortex and he can feel his body splitting into billions of atoms.  He feels the entirety of his physical form being reassembled and transported and he tastes salt of ocean water on his lips.  When he comes to, he realizes he’s on a houseboat.  Go to paragraph #3

#9

            Instantly recognizing the board game they’re playing, Hayden asks them if they need an extra player.  One of these players is a guy named Austin Blanch who shares the same contagious passion for games and the two strike up a conversation.  It isn’t long before Camp Augusta comes up and Austin mentions to Hayden that there’s an opening for the position of “Master of Fun and Games.”  And the rest is history.

Congratulations dear reader!  You’ve successfully aided Hayden on his quest to his dream job where he can make games to his heart’s content!  And that’s not all!  The games he helps design will then be played by hundreds of campers throughout the summer and fun will be had by all!  The end?

You must be logged in to post a comment.
Menu